May 7, 2006

Sexual stereotyping

Filed under: Personal * posted by Dahlia

Want to start a little discussion here.

I was at a talk the other day - one which I personally thought later on was really a male-apologist session. We listened to males complaints about females in relationships and were told males are really "more logical" and females "more emotional". Although the speaker went on to say, "it’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way we are", the context of the entire discussion certainly made me feel like being "emotional" was a bad thing.

But anyway, what really irked me was when the speaker started talking about having multiple partners - it’s not an equal world, she said, and promiscuous guys will be excused moe than promiscuous girls. Fair enough, I thought - my past experience had certainly told me it was not an equal world. But then the speaker went on to blast promiscuous girls - "I think girls like that really have no respect for their bodies." I could see some members of both sexes silently nodding, and I was wondering: what about guys who sleep around? Don’t they also not respect themselves?

The fact that guys were left out of that equation reinforces the double standard. Plus, I know quite a few girls who have multiple partners, and they’re very sassy ladies. They’re smart, and I respect them for the contributions they make to the world. If they choose to celebrate their sexuality by having multiple partners, why should we condemn them as not having respect for themselves?

To the floor now: what do YOU think?

That car horn

Filed under: Personal * posted by Dahlia

That little dude who toots his car horn at you. What do you do?

April 1, 2006

My little protest…

Filed under: Media Watch, Personal * posted by Dahlia
http://www.sun2surf.com/article.cfm?id=13625
I was forced to strip in lock-up: 60-year-old housewife claims
B.Suresh Ram and Llew-Ann Phang
KUALA LUMPUR: A 60-year-old housewife has alleged that she was forced
to strip in a police station and walk around in circles three times in
front of two policewomen.
Lim Nee Cheng Pik Wai also alleged that the policewomen helped
themselves to some money in her handbag when she was in custody on
March 11.
"I have never felt so humiliated in my life … walking in the nude
with the policewomen laughing at me," she said in a media conference
held in Parliament House on March 30.
Lim’s ordeal began when she was taken to the police station after she
was detained by department store security guards over a
misunderstanding which has been settled amicably with the store
management on March 28.
In her police report lodged on March 29, Lim claimed she was
instructed to take out all her cash from her handbag and place them on
the table.
"Initially, one of the policewomen placed all the cash and coins into
a plastic bag. While counting the money, I saw her taking out several
notes and putting them in a drawer.
"She told me that it was her bribe money (duit rasuah). She said ‘bei
ngo yam cha’ (Cantonese for ‘give me tea money’).
"She also asked for my bank ATM card PIN number but I refused. She
said if I did not give the number, I would be made to do squats …
that’s when I was ordered to remove my jewellery and get into a
lock-up where I was told to strip."
Lim said her husband turned up at the station at 8pm to bail her out.
Her husband then asked the policewoman to return all the money but it
was short of RM209 (total RM469).
"The policewoman then said a police report would be made against him
(Lim’s husband)," she added.
MP Teresa Kok (DAP-Seputeh), who arranged for the press conference,
said: "I am quite perturbed by the strip procedures, despite
assurances from senior police officers that new guidelines had been
issued as the IGP’s Standing Order."
"With new body search guidelines, why is such abuse still happening?" she asked.
Kuala Lumpur deputy CPO SAC (I) Datuk Ahmad Baharin Idrus confirmed a
police report was lodged with the Dang Wangi police station.
"Investigations are in progress. So I will not be able to make any
comments on the matter," he said.
On March 3, IGP Tan Sri Bakri Omar announced police had produced their
own rules on conducting body searches "to protect the dignity and
pride" of suspects.
The IGP’s Standing Order on Code of Practices for Body Searches
requires the suspect to be practically attired during searches instead
of "partially dressed" as suggested by the Royal Commission on the
Police Force..
The order excluded recommendations that intimate searches could only
be done by a doctor or hospital assistant or registered nurse, acting
under the direction of a doctor and a requirement to obtain warrants
to conduct intimate searches.
Bakri confirmed that the document, which is being fine-tuned, would
contain guidelines for body searches and would take about three months
to be adopted.
Now everytime I see a cop, I grab my left earlobe with my right hand and my right earlobe with my left hand; I’ll keep doing it until abuse and corruption in the police force is wiped out.
March 15, 2006

Boys will be boys

Filed under: Personal * posted by Dahlia

I think one of the worst things people can do for the male gender is make excuses for them. I remember, after having my butt grabbed in a museum when I was 14 or 15, listening to a male cousin remark: "You should be flattered someone would want to grab your butt." I issued another of my passionate arguments, and he appeared to have been won over (although he might have decided it wasn’t worth pursuing).

The attitude of resignation which so many seem to have adopted irks me, because I think it’s another method of excusing, as if to say: "It happens, live with it, try to look on the bright side". For instance, I was talking to a male friend the other day when he shared the story of how, when he was walking back from dinner with a female friend, some four or five mechanics working until late whistled at the female friend, called out to her and tooted their horns. He also revealed that while his friend tried to ignore the cat calls, he found it extremely funny and was laughing the entire time.

But then again, speaking out only seems to ask for trouble, doesn’t it? (Or at least that’s what so many of us are led to believe). Darren Kang was apparently beaten to death after confronting a bunch of youths who were said to have made degrading remarks about his girlfriend (there are, however, numerous versions of the story). A friend who was regarded as the ’slut’ in her school told me how, in the days after Kang’s murder, a teacher warned her not to bother fighting back the label: "You’ll just be asking for trouble, like Darren Kang." With attitudes like that influencing people, it should be no surprise then that Kang’s killers only got five years in jail; the judge admitted he had taken Kang’s behaviour into account when deciding the sentence.

"Don’t bother, it’s a small thing", "too much trouble for nothing big", and the classic "boys will be boys" line. Are we ever going to run out of excuses for this sense of entitlement we allow? It doesn’t surprise me that sexual harassment exists, since the dominant ideology seems to be "it’s a guy thing."

Dahlia 

March 4, 2006

what IS sexual harassment?

Filed under: Personal * posted by Rhysenn

Hey all.

 Just wanna share an experience that I went through when I was 13 and didn’t know any better.

I was in a bookshop in Penang–a pretty dark bookshop. My parents were off browsing somewhere and I wandered alone. Then, I saw this Indian man who persuaded me to come nearer, and look at some books. Trashy love novels. The moment I saw him, my instincts screamed at me to run away. I just dismissed them and the increasing bad feelings I had, coz they just didn’t make sense. (Not racist btw).

 Turns out my instincts were right. He put his arm around my waist. I don’t know why I didn’t scream or kick his balls. I guess I was just confused–coz I always equated harassment with touching your boobs or private parts.

It was only after we left the bookshop that I told my parents. And it was too late then.

I remember wondering if what I wore contributed to what happened. Just a pink shirt and a denim skirt. Never wore that skirt again after that.

This made me realize that we really should teach kids about sexual harassment and no-no touching. It’s never too early to start teaching them.

 

 Rhysenn Kat